"Hello Nelson. Whats the problem today?"
"Well, Doc, I'm getting these violent mood swings that I don't understand. One minute I'm up in the clouds, on top of the world, and the next I'm down in the gutter with my chin on the ground. What can you do?"
"Well, I think I know what it is. I've seen several people this very morning with the same symptoms. Its a new affliction that I'm terming CRAP - Cronic Recurring Addick Syndrome."
"But that would be CRAS."
"Yes, I know, but they all come in there mumbling 'its crap', 'its crap'."
"But do you know what causes it?"
"I think its caused by too much dependence on a single thing, in this case something called addicks. Don't know what they are, some new video game I suppose, but everyone comes in here on a Monday morning complaining about them. You need to get out more at weekends, get a life, go out for a walk in the country. No more scanning Teletext every minute on a Saturday afternoon, desperately hoping that things will change."
"But can you do anything for it?"
"Well, there's no magic formulaes, no 442 or 4312, although there's hope around Christmas, of course, January always appears to give people hope, something to do with the Sales I think."
"Can't you give me some pills, or something?"
"No, there's no pills that will solve this problem. It comes from somewhere deep in peoples psyche due to bad upbringing, lack of proper parental guidence. However, people seem to pick up a bit when I offer them one of my red and white smarties."
And if there's anyone out there with the CRAP who has the stomach for it the papers can explain everything. "Early sharpness" but then "woefully ragged capitulation" in the independent while the dailysnail calls it a "turkey shoot". The times seems strangely to have a hang-up with Rommerdahl and Dowie's dismissal while the observer simply calls it an "humiliation" and points out that Andy Reid was again our best player. The telegraph tells it like it is and calls us a "shambles" but then makes the "amazing reflection that for a third of the afternoon Spurs had been even worse than Charlton....."
The sportinglife report doesn't say much but the stats kindly supplied point out that we had earned more yellow cards that had shots on target. Says it all really.
Charlton: Carson; Young, Hreidarsson, El Karkouri, Diawara; Kishishev (Rommedahl 53), Faye, Hughes, Reid (Hasselbaink 67); Sam, D Bent.
Subs (not used): Myhre, Fortune, Holland.
Goals: Dawson og 42
Booked: Hughes 12 (foul on Lennon), Sam 86 (foul on Stalteri), Diawara 88 (foul on Lennon)