International News

- For those interested in boring old spanish affairs, we can bring news of another expected defeat last Sunday for the boys of Valladolid, sadly witnessed by your local correspondent.

Whilst looking the part of promotion contenders the sad truth is that Valladolid were made to look static by the busier little players of the distintly mis-titled team from Hercules Alicante.

A favorite, and ultimately decisive, tactic displayed by the home side and practised thoroughly throughout the game was that of running into players, falling over and writhing in agony on the ground. These tactics, during the early minutes, showed how the game was going to be played and from the first minute proved an adequate testing ground of the referee´s response to play-acting and after several well-practised attempts it soon brought the first goal. The away defence obviously realising the danger of approaching within 2 metres of any attacker in the penalty area, due to the frequent ability of the ref to penalize offenders, and selected instead to watch in wonder as the left-winger twisted past no-fewer than 4 defenders before gifting a lay-off to the striker who promptly buried the chance in the far corner.

All semblance of the usual laws of gravity were subseqently dispatched out of the proverbial window and even Isaac Newton would have been astonished at how easily it was for grown men to fall over. Fortunately the ambulance with its stock of blood of all types and its eager medics was not required as all players seemed to recover their ability to stand unaided after the desired free-kick and sufficient levels of crowd abuse had been directed towards the opposing player and/or the referee.

Without the same level of vocal support on which to call ( only two coach-loads of visiting fans having bothered to turn-up - it was after all probably a good 7 hours by coach and this was no Sixth Round Replay ), the players from Valladolid seemed to realise that falling over was not a useful option and took out their frustration by helping the home players to fall over in ever-more dramatic circumstances. The referee entered into the farce with gusto and proved only too eager to appease the howls of the home crowd with a generous helping of yellow cards. As a reduction in numbers tends to spoil such spectacles, the yellow cards were evenly distributed among the players.

The overall result of one and an half hours of high drama and farce more suitable to a West End theatre of the Twenties, was inevitably a 2-0 home victory, Valladolid even spawning the opportunity of a penalty to even the score at 1-1 and subsequently never looked back in claiming a famous defeat.