Pards scanned the room carefully, making sure that everyone was listening.
"You know what I do first thing every morning?"
"Pick your nose." cried little Brian Hughes, who didn't mind upsetting the gaffer 'cause he knew he wasn't playing either. As usual, Pards ignored him.
"I check the weather forecast. 'Cause I want to know what sort of a day I can expect. Some people check their horoscope, I look at the sky. And this morning in the front of my house all you could see was blue skies and sunshine and birds singing. None of them nasty clouds anywhere in sight, just clear blue sky."
Pards paused for a moment, to let the scene sink in...
"But then, for some reason, I turned around to see what was happening behind my house. What did I see? The whole sky covered in a f***ing black mess, as dark as night. You couldn't call it cloud, it was just a big ugly blackness covering the whole sky. So I looked upwards, to see which way the wind was blowing. Was the black stuff coming or going? Thats what I wanted to know."
"And that's where you come in, all of you. I want You to get rid of them black clouds."
Pards slammed the dressing door shut, to reveal on the inside panel a huge poster of him in Kitchener pose pointing at all of them, with the words, "Get Rid of that frigging Black Stuff!!!"
And now with a huge smile on his face, Pards summed up...
"I want the pressure off, I want it to rain on somebody else. I wanna wake up tomorrow morning in sunshine with 35 big ones in my back pocket."
"I don't wanna have an sod awful day, hiding myself in my garden shed in embarrassment. I wanna see them black clouds frigging disappearing over the frigging horizon."
"Now, get out there and do it."