Who's Not Scoring

So why is it exactly that we have to rest our goal-scoring machine against Chesterfield tonight? Its obviously because if any of those awkward League 1 johnnies do any damage to our Darren, then it's curtains for the Addicks this season.

Nine goals scored in 13 games this season and Darrens' got 7 of them. The other two have fallen to Jimmy-F against Chelski and Marcus Bent against Bolton. So whats' everyone else doing?

Well, knowing that nobody else has got near the scoring tables this season you have to go back to last year to see whenever a defender or even midfielder scored for us. And what do you find, perhaps the very reason that Hughsie gets a game - he's the nearest thing we have to a goal-scoring midfielder. Forgetting all the exports, the players that scored in the Premiership last season were: Hughes and Ambrose 3, Marcus Bent and Rommedahl 2, Holland, Thomas and Luke Young 1 each.

So Monica - its time to shame them into doing something about it. Get 'em all to stand up in front of everyone and say when exactly it was that they last scored. And don't take no excuses - "I haven't played much, Guv" - "Thats 'cause you can't score goals, you tart".

So to ensure that they all tell the truth and to help them 'cause in some cases its so long ago they've probably forgotten:

MIDFIELDERS

Hughes - Pompey april 17 2006 - SIX Months ago
Thomas - Spurs feb 5 2006 - NINE Months ago
Holland - Everton jan 2 2006 - TEN Months ago
Ambrose - Sunderland dec 10 2005 - ELEVEN Months ago
Rommedahl - Pompey oct 22 2005 - ONE Year ago

Kish - Everton feb 8 2003 - THREE Year, NINE Months ago

DEFENDERS

Young - Liverpool feb 8 2006 - NINE Months ago
El Karkouri - Birmingham jan 15 2005 - ONE Year, NINE Months ago
Hreidarsson - Everton dec 28 2004 - ONE Year, TEN Months ago

LOST STRIKER
Lisbie - Bolton aug 14 2004 - TWO Years, THREE Months ago.

And don't let the newcomers off the hook, Reid, Faye and Diawara. Amady Faye has apparently never scored in his life and is obviously taking lessons from Kish. Andy Reid is a tad better, having managed just one in his 26 appearances for Spurs but way back on May 1st 2005, 1 Year and 5 Months ago, although to give him some credit, he has found the net 3 times in just 19 games for Ireland. Meanwhile, Souleymane Diawara usually gets one each season while with his old club Sochaux so there's hope there.

And Djimi Traore? He's managed just 1 in 166 games back in 2003/04 while with Liverpool, Lens and Laval and in case you forget he cancelled it out with his crazy own-goal against Burnley in the FA Cup.

So, Monica - scoring practise is obviously a must. Get them nets out now and how about emphasizing the need to improve, starting tonight!